16 Feb 2010


Her beats were giving way, she was breathing faster, trying each time not to show how nervous she was. This is what happened with her each time she had to cross a crowd with people looking at her.
(She was always full of apprehensions when she entered a school or college for the first time.
Same happened when she entered the big university campus after the long vacation. A single familiar face always allowed her to relax, and take a deep breath of reassurance.)

Two guys and a girl sitting on the nearby bench burst into laughter, as she walked past them. She skipped a beat….
“Were they laughing at me?”…she sighed, “Am I looking so weird?”
Lately she had been able to let go of these inferiority feelings, but now again she was giving way.
“No, girl, it could have been something else…..Oh, god, it has to be something else!!”

How much she missed him that day. An admirer at times has no idea what he does to people he flatters, boosting their confidence, making them feel so special, like they matter so much, at least to someone.
Well, honestly she knew she mattered to more than one, those that showed and even those who didn’t.
But still, it always gave her the courage to believe in herself whenever someone praised her. It doesn’t matter if they are serious, as long as they seem to be so serious about whatever they complement about you.
Just as a single compliment can make your day, making you feel so good about yourself, a single negative comment can make you think twice before going in front of everyone.
She had never been that beauty conscious, but she was conscious about herself sure as hell.

And when her friend was wasn’t there, that day, and the second day for that matter to tell her, how beautiful she was, how much he loved everything about her, the agony of self-cynicism was growing over & over again.
Life sometimes can be so sweet and charming...how beautiful would everything be when everyone thinks about keeping himself and others happy.
But people love themselves so much that they hardly care about other’s feelings or opinions.
She never said it was wrong to love yourself .So, asking that around to people standing close to her, so that she could hear people answering “no,” and him winning the argument, wasn’t going to prove anything. She wasn’t going to change her opinion, and it isn’t easy to change her anyways.
‘It’s good to love yourself, but it’s not good to be obsessed with yourself!!’
She respects herself but hasn’t been able to fall in love with herself. But that doesn’t mean she doesn’t know how to love people.
At least he shouldn’t be saying people who don’t love themselves cant love back as she herself is the greatest example in their case. Even her friends have told her not to be so loving…. Cuz she ends up loving more than needed & hurts herself.

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