How to change the mindset: Prevent crime against women

Changing 5000 years of mental conditioning in 5 days is not easy. But if we really want justice and a better tomorrow, we have to do it. Cynics and realists tell me, it is NOT possible.

But, I am taking the challenge of starting to believe that CHANGE can happen. Yes, we will bring about the change!
Research states people in asylum are much more realistic than we (so-called) normal people. Since, then I stopped being realistic. Let’s dream. Let’s dream of a better tomorrow, where there are no crimes against women. Utopian is not possible? If you cannot add to the power of the mind and the flow of the positive energy then, please, I request you, do not block it with your negative thoughts, scepticism or cynicism.
Call me insane.
I believe in a better tomorrow. I believe 5000 years of mental conditioning can change.
Lets start believing. Yes, we will CHANGE it.

Together by spreading awareness, sharing in social media, increasing the reach, we can bring a change! Positive change! Let’s do our bit. Lets deceive realism! Yes, we will.

If you are in the same team, least you can do is start believing, and spread the belief. The worst you can do is, doubt this change. So, don’t doubt. Take a leap of faith. Believe, feel and act. Think strongly in your mind with conviction. Yes, we will. We will CHANGE tomorrow. The dawn of 2013 will be better. 

It’s great to talk about it. But little do we know, what exactly should be done. We want our young brothers or our own sons, never to grow up as rapists. Yes, we will.
But, as soon as it comes to “how” to do it EXACTLY, we are all lost.
We never jotted down points when we were conditioned. We don’t know from what, how when we became what we are. How to EXACTLY “teach” someone to “respect women”!


I will improve this post. It’s rough draft now. But I’m posting it to increase reach.

I had asked many guyfriends, how I could exactly help in teaching “values” to the 13 year old slum boy I teach so that he NEVER grows up to be a rapist.
Without education, child labourers, are very vulnerable, given the environment that they stay in, the people they come in contact with, male chauvinists everywhere to teach them women are objects.


My friend Vibek said, “Learning from our very own mothers that's what and having invaluable best female friends” makes us value women. But like I said, those child labourers dont have luxury of being with their moms n all.They stay out of their homes and meet their family a few times only. But if it's your own house, you can definitely start with the women in house being treated fairly. Children learn from what they see.


Education, literacy perhaps can help, when blended with moral values every now and then. Even IIM ones are misogynists at times(read often). So, we are talking about “real education” here. Education needs redefinition. It’s not degrees. So "what" in education? I bought some moral panchatantra books but none said "respect women".

“Proper grooming! Starting from Mythology itself! Goddesses and other stories", said he.Our commenter here, says, Mythology is the cause. I say the perception of mythology as demeaning women is the cause. Let's cure the problem from the root then.Let's change the perception.As our commenter herself agreed, the fact that the destruction of Mahabharat happened because they dared demean women and not protect her brought her wrath and the curse.
So, what all should be taught in between?
    1.    The reverence to feminity:
   Worship all goddesses, The "Maa" things, Her importance, warmth and stuff.(That will help especially God-believers who already believe in God. People with less education can be easily attracted, if there’s real good story telling) 
I'd such a problem explaining why men should be polite to women! The little kid asks me that. And what answer do I give? 

But the biggest challenge is The "Maa" things have become more of mc, mf these days...One needs to portray the “mother” with lot of love , warmth and respect again.
EDIT: Today if a major art house begins it's motivational round with Ma chod do... Where every man today in contemporary India addresses his friend as Bhenchod... 
When the idea of appreciation for a Death Metal band is screeching Bhenchod!!! MADARCHOD!!! where are we going? 

I'm asking you. Yes you. If you think its cool to change the meaning of a word and say I don't really mean it, I ask you why do you say things you don't mean? Wasn't there vocabulary to say the emotions that you now convey with these? 

When I ask men can you fuck your mother or sister, they are outraged. They say it's a different emotion. They look at them differently.  Why is it then so easy to say Go,  fuck your mom you mother fucker?  How have these terms of ripping their clothes apart and raping your own mothers and sisters or your friend's become so cool to say on a daily basis?? 
Imagine the child that grows up today seeing this. Can you be sure your own son won't rape your wife? 
How??? 
Popular language and culture make things. Ok. We have become so regressive that saying Betichod is OK. To consider raping a little baby born out of your own flesh and blood lying on your arms the very first day of her life is OK??? 
Next time out of habit you use these words,  give it a thought.  JUST ONE THOUGHT. You never know WHO IS LISTENING. 

One big challenge here, is to make the child believe that real women on real earth are divine and command his RESPECT. It should not be like you go worship a stone idol of Durga, come home and rape your own wife.NO. 

In smaller doable things in real life…, touch your mausi(mother’s sister), aai(grandma), pisi nani's(bua-father’s sister) feet.


2.   Importance of women :
In the words of a man: How she gives birth and produces Life!!Women are living Gods practically!I mean hell yaar - Life grows in them" !!(Glad, to hear these words from a man)
She takes the pain of 9 months, nurturing a baby, a life in her……she gives the baby her blood…..her care, love……
When a girl comes to her in laws, leaving her family behind she embraces the guy's life. She takes care of two families always. Hence, she’s called “duhita”(du=two, hita=welfare provider), She is the reason for prosperity in both houses. She practically turns the bricks and mortar into a "Home". With her Pooja, all the household chores, preparing kids for school, etc she sacrifices every bit of her time for her family’s welfare.

I agree with Pragyan here. His fb note “SORRY WE RAPED YOU” says, rapist is made from day 1 when he believes it is the mom's DUTY to make food for him, clean his clothes, etc. If she doesn’t cook, abuse her……becomes the mentality.So, that should never be there.

It was great when Vibek said, “Without you girls, there would be no world to live in!”

We used to take the pledge in school everyday, “All men and women are equal”. But all don’t have the privilege to go to school and I don’t know what schools teach these days. It is our duty to share our knowledge.

Even traditionally speaking in a patriarchal set up, A man earns money. But it is woman who takes care of that money, like distribution and stuff . She manages the house. And today she even contributes to bringing home the money.

2.   Introduce the ladies first concept.
Having set the stage for why women are so special and should be treated with care and respect, bring in the preference to women.See, its great to talk of women being respected for just being human beings. But when humanity is at question in post 2012 world, today in 2013, being a 'human' is sadly not enough. 

Update: Not enough in 2015 yet. 

We should try to teach children to respect and care for everything. I remembered today(1Jan,2013), while wondering about these pointers and discussing with Mom, when she said, "It's not just rapes.It NOT JUST crime against women. It is HUMANITY that is no where to be seen.How can people  be SO cruel?".
So, do what my aunt had done. She used to talk to me in such a way that, I would care for not just living but non-living things as well! Like omg, don't hit the table so hard,  it will break and be hurt darling. 

We are getting materialistic, lets face it.We DONT care anymore.We need to CHANGE that.We dont wince when a dog gets hurt, as we used to in school.We were small.We were innocent.We need to bring back our FEELINGS.COMPASSION.EMPATHY back with a bang! 
In a widely neglected world, where women dont get a share AT ALL, preference is the need of the hour, at least in this crisis situation. This is definitely not the time, to say, 'Dont pull a chair for me, I am same as you.' It is the time to say, 'Come, join me as I kick and hit and still get abused.They are 6 against me.Come join me, you idiot, it's your responsibility. It could be your daughter or sister tomorrow!

3.   The magic of Raksha bandhan.
Bhai-Behen concept. Try to bring in the enthusiasm to love and protect the sister and the pride at being her protector. What do you do when your sister is fucking hot? Well, you don't fuck her! She. Is. YOUR. Sister

4.   Festivals, mythologies, stories.
All our festivals and fests have everything to do with women. Dussehra: Maa Durga who ended evil on the face of earth.
Diwali: Ramayan - "Sita". Sita was abducted, yes. But let’s only focus on “positive”. Focus on how so much effort was put to bring her back and protect her. 
Her own husband doubted her, when his countrymen spoke evil. Agni Pariksha is again male dominated. But let’s focus on her courage.
End was also tragic, she chose to die. But that was a matter of her self-respect. Even an all tolerating woman chose to die when not respected. Add that, Ram was all devastated after Sita died n realised his fault but it was too late. 
Do you have any links where I can relook at these mythologies.......Wiki, was the answer I got.
Let’s not debate here what exactly had happened. There are controversies to everything. There could be great stories in other religions too. I heard Muslims have this second longest chapter speaking of respecting women. 

The objective here is to make a mark. “Respect Women”. “Do not tolerate when someone misbehaves with a woman. DO SOMETHING.”

2015 Update: Try calling Maharashtra police on 100 emergency police dial. You will hear please press 1 for.. 2 for... 
Yes, and probably you would be raped by then. 

I know, you know, the challenge is to make those who don’t "know", illiterate people and our own children, brothers, and some people with great degrees who might SEEM to be knowing but don’t know.
I got some pointers. So, shared with you. Let’s start making a change. As I go over to implement these, take your time to add to these points. Yes, we will. We will make a difference. Positive difference!
Even as the justice protests are on and the revolution to change the society has started. Lets add ghee(fuel) to every burning fire of enthusiasm. Let every protest make a difference. Let’s add to our quality of life. Let’s make ours a safe society. We demand the government to provide COMPULSORY MARTIAL ARTS training, COMPULSORY SELF-DEFENCE training, Compulsory pepper sprays to be distributed, CCTV cams everywhere in public place, central monitoring, online FIRS, One point contact number, Special Security Force, along with more police patrols, once in every 10 min.

This is just a drop in the ocean. A little step at “HOW” to start changing the mindset of the young ones.
Add your thoughts in the comments and I will update them here.

24 comments:

  1. I went through it real quick ..so based on what I have comprehended. A job well done. The skeleton is ready ..add more to it. The points are precise, well studied and realistic. Reading this, someone will feel like ..hey ..yes ..we can in fact do it! So, good job. Let's bring the change:)

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    1. Thanks a lot for your comment. Thanks to your optimism. Let's be really optimistic this new year that 2013 will change things.

      Add to the points too.

      Delete
  2. I like your optimism and the positive attitude and even point 1 but can't agree from afterword at all 'cause I think,from afterward you have wandered all the way to that initial point where it all started :(
    First of all, I think mythological stories are the last thing from where children should be taught morality and specially, respecting woman. Just imagine why Sita has been glorified so far; because she 'sacrificed' a lot, showed sanctity (because Ravan didn't touch her and make her apavitra?) as you said. But tell me, if Sita refused to give Agnipariksha then would she be spared and not forced to burn herself? In this way we just standardize women's role for sacrifice and that so called 'sacredness'? the base of marginalising and humiliating any victim of sexual abuse. Ram saved Sita because 'dharm ka adharm pe jeet hona jaruri tha', not because he loved his wife. and trouble?? almost all devta and other non-human creatures helped him!only the end was a little positive when Sita refused to accept any more humiliation and sacrifice and went back to her dharti ma before the whole court! but up to then everything was taken away from her, her children as well. What will you actually teach a child from mythological story like ramayana? that see how brave the lady was when her husband burnt her because she was abducted? no yaar... to look for the positive sides within such a dark object is only to look for a less dark corner of that object while there can be more 'light' simply by removing that dark object. and it's possible..only if we look at such mythological story just as historical evidence within literature for those age and society, not as a tool for creating moral base of society. What exactly had happened was necessary, very very necessary. Because that's how facts are denied and the 'senses' are twisted to justify and strengthen all the oppression on women! being tortured? just an 'agnipariksha'! be brave like Sita and you will win over your Ram while the torture will end and may be he can love you again and understand your value after your death; God's there!

    Secondly, Rakshabandhan and other customs promising protection for women, aren't they there all the time? aren't they celebrated even more extravagantly now-a-days? but domestic violence and sexual abuse within family continued to consist the major part of all sexual abuses on women. why? because the Male relatives are always assigned the role of 'protector' of the woman; brother, father, son..protecting the 'samman' of family, 'ghar ki lakshmi' and denied the role of woman to defend herself and very systematically and traditionally bound and chained woman to be the stooge to express power of male in the family. Who knows better than us now, 'Rakshak hi Vakshak'? Therefore, immediately we need to get rid of this glorifying concept of guys as 'protector' of girls and start thinking seriously about woman empowerment, at least power of self-protection against such violence, as you mentioned in the last part of your writing.

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    1. Be there.I will read and reply.What I meant was lets focus only the positives on those stories. Those stories were not perfect, you see.
      Let's learn from the mistakes.
      And the audience I was talking about personally, is a boy from a village. If I have to connect to him, I can use these to induce the positive side of it

      Delete
    2. Hmmm....agreed.

      See, the part of 'protector' came from the fact that a "thousand onlookers" kept looking at braveheart tortured, savaged, thrown on the road and DID NOTHING.

      This is to teach the coming society that they SHOULD DO something. It is their duty.
      No one is denying that there should be self-empowerment, self-defence training, that I have talked about in my earlier post, http://doveranalyst.blogspot.in/2012/12/delhi-gang-rapesoultions.html

      Although grandeur has come in Raksha Bandhan, no one longer knows what it is for.
      TRUST me. It's more of "Oh, Shit! I have to empty my pocket to buy a gift for my sister!" attitude.
      The fact that the whole thing's soul is to protect her and be there for her whenever she needs and not jsut his own sister but any woman for that matter is absent which needs to be reinforced by us.

      The "magic" of Raksha Bandhan, the way I tried to glorify was to actually bring in the love and respect for a sister, to respect her for being a human, to look at other women on streets as sisters too, and NOT AT ALL, go the SF way, to prevent incest , you see.

      You say, Raksha Bandhan was there. But the relationship has changed so much. Earlier if a man merely "called" a woman a "sister", he could die for her.

      Now men call someone a sister only to get to bed with her also. Growing cases of incest as well!!

      Mythologies are misunderstood in a big way, enforcing the patriarchal mindset. If we could in any way change the interpretation from the traditional oppressing one, it could help clean from the 'roots'.

      Delete
    3. hmm,that's a fact indeed.. What about Draupadi? she protested and demanded justice and that brought a civil-war 'Kurukshetra' where most of those morons who harassed her and the other set of morons(including her own husbands) who watched silently and may be enjoyed, were killed and devastated and suffered huge losses? if we need to rely on mythologies, we must search the reinterpretations, not those traditional ones.. and may be, searching for other stories as well..

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    4. See, thats what I was talking about.And I had invited other religions to speak up too. This is a common problem and I dont know of other common stories.

      Perception is a double edged sword.But if we have taken the pledge to CHANGE. Yes, we will.

      Let's look at good reinterpretations. New stories.Share with me.I will share. The fact that my blog keeps getting max views should be put to some good use!! Some social service.

      You have a great point there. It all started cuz of that. Just because Pandavas could NOT protect her, when they MUST have, (it was their duty...how dare they betted her) so, Krishna came in to protect.

      And all those who watched were punished so brutally in the epic war.

      P.S: MOST IMPORTANT. You know what???
      The Delhi Gang Rape is at the same place where the Draupadi bastra haran had taken place, years ago, in Hastinapur...
      And remember the Draupadi curse?

      Delete
  3. Thirdly, if we want real change, really real change in attitude, then we must stop to think women as 'special'! Sounding strange? but I mean it. Just think once, from where these chivalrousness like 'ladies first' have come! Why on earth a girl needs to be compared with goddess, some superior life-creator, innocent and adorable like doll, princess, angel to get just the basic Human Rights? Right to Live, Not to get abused and Raped, Not to be killed? Why just being a simple human is not enough to get the human rights for women? Woman is not maa adi-shakti or angel or princess or bimbo or bitch or slave, she is just a human being! All these concepts of superiority (demanding love, respect) or inferiority (demanding care, compassion, sympathy) stem out from one single fact: woman is not treated 'normally'. Girls are to be treated with respect Not because they are 'so special', but because they are Human and have every right to be shown respect for her basic human rights from a fellow human, living in the same society! So guys must be taught that girls are normal human being just like them and if guys have right to live healthily, respectfully then so do the girls. if this thing can ever be achieved, we won't be needing ladies compartments and ladies seats in public transports any more!We won't be able to see that day but may one of our coming generations see this :)

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    1. Agreed. But, a society that wont even pay respect to women when the values say "Mothers are special and goddess", we cannot expect them to treat women for being normal human beings itself. That will come. I hope it does.
      But point taken, I had also thought about it......my aunt had always instilled the 'care for any living being and even non-living' in me. So, humanity at large is needed too!!

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    2. ya..that's true. Those people include goddess-worshipers as well who worship dedicatedly. Just read in someone's note few days ago, she explained this as devotion to the powerful and power has no gender.

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    3. Because root cause: They do not really consider the women on earth close to goddess.We need to change THAT.
      Let every man believe that every woman is divine and commands his RESPECT.

      See, like I said, we are too young.We dont know how we got all these great values we have. I dont have a child. But I have access to one teen.

      So, we all need to together frame some great pointers.What according to you, should be done, then?

      I asked mom today, "How did you teach me these values?"
      She was clueless."I dont know", she said.

      Delete
    4. 'close to goddess' or 'close to human'? :)
      Don't know how I learnt these things or my mom taught me. She is a very brave woman having some command around herself, goes to office and used to be my hero-cum-role model when I was kid.She's an efficient service-woman and usually respected and listened by others. I used to be a damn obedient kid those days and used to do exactly what I was said. So I used to follow all those lessons like be honest, be good etc etc. Also I was sent to a missionary school so you can imagine how much moral tonic we were swallowed thoroughly! ;) But I used to think a lot, really a lot, as I had a lot of alone time (since both my parents were working) and nobody ever stopped me or discouraged my arguments and pile of questions when I tried to validate and justify my learning and notions (like 'we should be obedient to the parents and god'-what if we don't be? how can it harm us and others?..ya, god used to play an important role those days :P ),I guess that really worked well. I never stopped thinking and arguing within my head; you know how I think today. But when I was in 5-6th standard I used to think with exactly this much confidence that, ok..rape/eve-teasing(as I couldn't distinguish them then) is bad and bad people do that.But when you know bad people will do bad thing certainly then why take risk to confront them? 'jab tumhe pata hai woh log kutte hai to jan-bujh ke kutton ke samne haddi kiyun dalna'-this was exactly the statement me and my friend reached after a serious discussion! I suppose I made a long journey from there to here, read a load of newspaper articles,story books, watched tv and movie and had endless discussions with my best friends but I really can't remember my parents 'teaching' me any of this..well, my mom told me several times how women are exploited inside home, even if she's earning, how division of labor occurs in a household according to gender, in her style, but we never discussed sexual abuse or anything related to sex(as I was considered too young for them even after 18!). Today I strongly differ from my mother on a lot of subjects to a huge extent..some of them are due to generation gap, but most of them are not..we are just two quite different persons.
      I think a child must be force to 'think', to reason, to argue. We can never teach them values by just preaching them 'this is this' and 'that is that'; we should be convinced with what we are telling, we should explain why we are saying so and more important, the children should make themselves convinced about what they are learning. every child is taught same morals in school but only some of them practice them outside and even inside the school. I think that's a feasible way to teach values, by practicing them convincingly and making children reason and validate these themselves. My dad does one thing, may be just to tease me or cut me down or balance or least likely,knowing how it effects me exactly: he always contradicts what I say. Sometimes it gets so irritating that it seems if I say earth is spherical, he'll say no it's cylindrical! But what it actually does is, I face every point against my view and defending them, my view gets clearer and concrete :) but I don't think he contradicts to do this actually :/
      By the way, how did you learn your values? :P :)

      Delete
  4. And fourthly, sorry for writing such a long comment..hope you don't fall asleep reading this! :P Actually needed an outlet, can't write in facebook, feeling very crowded with fountain of shares showing feeling, sympathy as well as happy new year and feeling sick to discuss in home, tired of hearing stuffs like '..will it go on never ending? damn govt..' or ..should try to return home within daylight..' or '..girls also have some responsibility for her safety, no?..' etc etc. So thanks a lot for writing these :)

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    1. Glad that I could make someone feel better.

      It really means a lot. Go through my other posts as well to see a wholesome perspective of what I mean. This post is specifically to groom the young males.

      You are MOST WELCOME to discuss them here.If you care to connect to me, you can email me or you can like
      https://www.facebook.com/Doveranalyst

      I assure you there's no irresponsible post there.lol
      P.S: I dont know why I am getting so many Anonymous comments these days on Delhi Gang Rape posts.

      If you can atleast put a pseudonym to your posts so that I can identify one anonymous from another.
      Thik achhey? :)

      Delete
    2. thik achhe :D :D tell me how to put pseudonym..my name is Breeta.

      Delete
    3. Apni Reply as, section dekhchhen?

      Okhaney, Name/ URL select karoon

      (Hah! my broken shoken Bengali.Is it you Breeta from my Balika Vadhu facebook page?)

      Delete
  5. broken-shoken kahaan..firstclass hai :D :D ha...wohi breeta :P

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    1. and plz plz don't call me 'apni'...I'm much junior to you I guess :P

      Delete
    2. I have already declared how old I am.lol.But I don't know Bengali without apni.I make mistakes.
      I have started teaching the kid morals.but haven't jumped on to anti rape morals.but will do tomorrow

      Delete
    3. all the best for that :) Having a tough time by reading such articles..
      http://www.sify.com/news/we-are-all-part-of-the-rape-culture-news-columns-mmsxrUdgfed.html#.UNHwDHgi0Dc.facebook

      but have to face these..

      Delete
  6. I need to to thank you for this wonderful read!
    ! I definitely enjoyed every little bit of it.
    I have got you book marked to look at new stuff you post…
    My web site ... what is 2012

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  7. REALLY engrossing words u hv OverAnalyst

    I am not being overreactive but I think we certainly need to take some lessons from western culture...the taboo of dating girls,misknowledge....and a sheer environment of seeing the women
    at a low status from the childhood embeds a feeling of superiority in the indian male....this may seem preposterous but in a way it shapes our society compared to western countries where there is a sense of equality from the beginning...countries like Finland and Netherlands have such low crime rates.....one more thing is that we have a deep rooted family value system but not a community value system....we think about our families...but as a community....we don't....people frequently say ....."its their business...let them deal".......

    please reply what u think

    REALLY engrossing words u hv OverAnalyst

    I am not being overreactive but I think we certainly need to take some lessons from western culture...the taboo of dating girls,misknowledge....and a sheer environment of seeing the women
    at a low status from the childhood embeds a feeling of superiority in the indian male....this may seem preposterous but in a way it shapes our society compared to western countries where there is a sense of equality from the beginning...countries like Finland and Netherlands have such low crime rates.....one more thing is that we have a deep rooted family value system but not a community value system....we think about our families...but as a community....we don't....people frequently say ....."its their business...let them deal".......

    please reply what u think

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    1. So sorry I'm seeing this so.late, anakin.
      First time visit to my blog? Thanks for the comments. I definitely agree. From the very beginning it should be ingrained in a man that women are equals. It is not their right to treat them however they want! There's a lot of taboo which should not be there. Although having said that n taking a.balanced view I'd also say some are taking advantage of it.
      Nevertheless parents should clearly.communicate consequences of such serious offences

      Delete

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