Mumbai Diaries- Random 2

24 December 2013
It is funny looking back what I’d scribbled back then. It’s funnier introspecting & getting to know how one changes. Aradhana had been right always. It is me, the seemingly more mature Ayesha, the guru who’s always counselled every needy soul to happiness about life and the deeper aspects of philosophy, who has been proven to be the one lacking any grip of life. Ari always used to say, ‘ Come, on Aiy, you don't even know what you will do in future. All your perspectives might change. We can't predict what we ourselves will do! Forget others! No psychology works, really. When we ourselves can surprise ourselves from what we might do (Hum dhudko chaunka dete hain. k hum kya kar guzartey hain'
It is but also obvious others can change- COMPLETELY
'So, do you like Mumbai?'
I'd still not got an answer to this question.
I was living in the Manhattan of India- Nariman Point. I had recently read this description somewhere. Probably it was supposed to be great.
The buses,  the Marathi no.s and the Marathi ticket(in an ironically Cosmopolitan
hub like Mumbai), the rains and more rains and rains, the cool marine drive, the un-understandable hype about Bandra Worli Sea link,which I always passed by for me flights or even the Marine Drive for that matter, the couples, the salwar kameez joggers with Nike sport shoes, the queen's necklace that was just a semicircular stretch of lights after all or the beautiful sunset-night look of buildings by Marine Drive that looked like NewYork. Chaupati seemed too short for a seashore. What's the point if you can't dip your feet in the water?
'Whoa, this is going to be a Mumbai Diaries entry in the true spirit of it', I thought as I penned down my share of thoughts on the hungry paper.
This time it was not about me, my aspirations, or my thoughts. It was more about the city; Mumbai—The dream city.
How could I be at a loss even at an answer to such a simple question? I knew there are people who could swear they love Mumbai!" I swear!" had come to be a pretty cliched Mumbaikar probably translation of aai shapath. (Whoever had come to think of it! Or maybe it really was Aai swear - Mother promise )
Why could I not fall in love with Mumbai?
'Oh, so you are a Non-Mumbaikar but you live in the heart of Mumbai, Colaba!' Nishant had said.
About how I felt about the last couple of months that passed on like flashes and need to be remembered in flashbacks. About the city through me eyes or me own self-discovery.
Recently I wasn't sure on what my biggest fear was. There were so many of them. Which to pick n choose!
I had given an answer — a very true one. That was to someone who'd said he could know a person from answer to this very question.
Whether human trafficking explained what I was, is in my ‘to be figured out’ list now.
But recently as I walked back past Sizzling China and Kareem's I realized I'd often feared what if I get what I want and then don’t like it.
Even as the words kept ringing in my mind, getting fed up is not an option. ‘You girls are useless. Cribbing is not going to solve your problem. Have you tried to know what we do? Have you tried to explore options?
Do you really know what you want?
Do you really know what you want?’
That was the question.
I knew.
Every now and then it boiled down to the secret. Same old things I'd read from junior years in school— Robert Frost. It was easy to throw the job, take whatever it takes (read give) to just get rid of it.
Never take the easy way.

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